Don't Fight Me, Brother
by MurderM4chine
Summary: It's the final stage of the hunter exam and it's Killua's turn to fight. Episode 20 with my own little twist


"A-a- Aniki?"

Gittarackur –no, Illumi, looked down at his brother and greeted him nonchalantly, "Hey-o."

Everyone else was still shocked from seeing the dramatic changes caused by the removal of Gitta - Illumi's needles.

"Tha-That's Killua's brother?"

"He used those needles to change the shape of his face?!"

Leorio looked from Killua to Illumi, not seeing any similarities. Not In their features, not in their attitude nor their body language. They were a stark contrast to each other. Black and white. Illumi loomed over the tiny figure of his little brother, who was –wait, was Killua scared?

"I heard you cut up Mother and Milluki. Mother was crying -"

Leorio muttered, "Anyone would cry if their son did that to them."

"- tears of joys."

Nope, Leorio was not expecting that.

"She was so happy to see that you'd grown up, but she was worried about you leaving home, so she asked me to check up on you. What a coincidence, Killua," he said, tilting his head playfully. "I didn't know you wanted to be a Hunter. I'm also trying to get a license for my next job." Illumi reported in a cold, monotonous voice.

"No," Killua admitted slowly, shifting his hands and feet. "Not really. I just felt like taking the exam."

"I see," replied Illumi, cocking his neck back up straight, and everyone in the room suddenly felt the change in atmosphere. A murderous aura rolled off him. It was as if the air had become thicker and heavier, weighing down on everyone's shoulders. You could've cut through it with a knife.

"Then I have some advice for you."

To Killua, the words felt like ice-cold water rushing over him, and under Illumi's unwavering gaze he was frozen in place

"You're not cut out to be a hunter."

_What is he saying? _Thought Leorio, thinking back, but Illumi wasn't finished.

"You were born to be a killer."

Those words pierced through Killua, and had a noticeable effect on everyone else in the room.

"You're a puppet of darkness, without passion. You don't want anything, or wish for anything. As one who lives in shadows, you only feel pleasure when people die. That's how Father and I raised you. What would you accomplish by becoming a Hunter?"

Kurapika looked down, almost as if he were ashamed to be hearing this. The other examinees were likewise visibly discomforted. Nobody would ever want to hear those words, not from a stranger, much less their own family. And here Killua was, letting Illumi lay those words heavily on him. Leorio was relieved when Killua finally looked up and spoke.

"It's true," he said resolutely, "I don't really want to become a Hunter. But, I do want something."

"You don't-" Illumi began but Killua interrupted him.

"I do! There is something I really want!"

Illumi considered this for a moment. "Alright. Tell me what it is that you want."

Killua looked taken aback that his brother was actually listening to him for once. He thought he was almost embarrassed by what he was about to say, or maybe it was just that he just didn't want his brother to know.

"What's wrong? There's really nothing that you want, isn't it?"

"No! That's not it!" Killua almost shrieked, and Leorio had to strain to hear what he said next, and was pleasantly surprised.

"I want to become friends with Gon. I want to stop killing people, and I want to live a normal life."

Leorio felt a little pride whelm up in his chest. _That's our Killua_

"Impossible," Illumi immediately deadpanned in response.

Leorio had just about had it with this man. What right had he to stomp over Killua's dreams like that? Illumi kept going relentlessly, and Leorio realized Illumi was determined to ground Killua into the dust.

"You'll never be able to make friends."

Leorio could see the pain on the 12-year olds face.

"Your only concern when you meet someone is whether or not you should kill them. That's how you were trained. You simply just don't know how to classify Gon. You don't truly wish to become friends with him"

Leorio faintly heard Killua whisper to himself, "That's not true," but his voice lacked the conviction from the moment before.

"If you stay with him, you'll end up wanting to kill him someday. You will get the urge to see if you can kill him or not. Because, of course, you have the soul of a killer."

Leorio had had enough.

"Why, you-!"he shouted, stomping over to the brothers, only to be stopped by the guardsmen.

"We already informed you, you can't –"

"Yeah, I know!" Leorio looked over the guard's shoulder and addressed the quivering boy directly.

"Killua! I don't give a damn if he's your brother. He's a worthless piece of crap, don't listen to him! Just beat the crap out him like usual and win!"

But the words seemed to fall on deaf ears and Killua stayed immobile, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. Leorio decided to get straight to the point.

"You want to _become_ friends with Gon! Bullshit! You already _are_ friends."

That got to the boy. Unfortunately, it got to Illumi as well, and he perked up, a flicker of interest passing across his face.

"Is that the case?"

"Hell yeah! You piece of crap!" That put a brief smile on Killua's face, and Leorio was quite pleased to get that out there.

"I see. That's no good. He considers Kil a friend?"

Illumi seemed contemplative, and Leorio's shoulders sagged when Illumi announced his decision.

"Okay, I'll kill Gon!"

_Shit! That was not what I was aiming for!_

Illumi's face was the closest to an expression of happiness that he could muster.

Around the room, people looked up, some with faces of shock, others with faces of hostility as Illumi explained himself to the small crowd.

"A killer doesn't need any friends. They only ever slow us down."

Illumi turned to the large wooden doors, "Where is he?"

_Why isn't Killua moving?_ thought Leorio, but he didn't have to. Within a split second, he, Kurapika and Bandaro had blocked Illumi's path. No way in hell would they let this psycho lay a finger on their friend.

"Out of the way," Illumi ordered, but the three held their ground, glaring at him, daring him.

"Ah," he sighed. "I can't kill you, or else Kil wins automatically and I'll be denied my hunter's license. Oh, the same thing will happen if I kill Gon. I guess I have to pass the exam before killing him. That's allowed, right?" he thought aloud, turning rather innocently to the examiners despite the murderous aura that surrounded him.

"You bastard," hissed Leorio through gritted teeth. Killua was now visibly shaking, hiding behind his fringe, facing the ground. It disconcerted him to see Killua looking like this, just days before the kid had ripped a man's heart out without so much as a blink. He looked like he was struggling to stay upright.

"According to the rules, yes," replied Neterou, seemingly unfazed by the whole situation.

"Well then, Kil, you'll have to beat me if you want to save Gon"

He walked slowly to Killua, taking large steps, but l_oud _steps, each one emphasized by the heavy falls of his feet on the stone floor. Leorio had no doubt this was what he intended.

For Killua, time dragged out, each and every thud sounding further and further away than the last.

He didn't believe this. This wasn't supposed to happen. He could hear his aniki's words in the back of his head.

"You won't fight me. You're thinking about whether or not you can defeat me."

No, he already knew. He didn't stand a chance.

_But, why can't I try?_

"It's no use. You already know. 'I'm not strong enough to beat my brother'"

_But- Gon!_

"Never fight an enemy you can't beat. I drilled that into you."

Killua never realized Illumi had gotten so close. He made to move back, to give himself some time to –

"Don't move!" and Killua froze mid-step.

"if you move even an inch, I'll assume the fight has begun. If our bodies make contact, I'll assume the fight has begun" Illumi raised his hand threateningly over Killua's head.

_This isn't fair, this isn't fair_

But no matter how much Killua wanted to scream, it was as if his whole body was made of lead and stone.

"You know how to stop me."

Fight or surrender.

_Fight – but what if I can't beat him – think of Gon! – but, aniki will – What's the worse he could do to me?_

The last thought stuck out.

_The worst he could do?_

"Don't forget, if you don't fight me, you dear Gon will die," as if Illumi was reading his thoughts.

All his assassin training gone, Killua struggled to even breathe as Illumi's hand came closer and closer to his forehead.

He could vaguely hear Leorio's voice, screaming at him to fight back.

His own mind was being pulled apart.

_Gon would fight him for me- I can't fight him- I haven't tried – I don't need to, I'll lose – how do I know that?!_

"Let him have it!"

Leorio's voice snapped Killua back into real-time. In an instant, Killua's subconscious made the decision for him and his body moved on its own accord.

His fingers clawed and dug into the cracks of the stone tile beneath his feet, and whipped it up into Illumi's face as he simultaneously took a large leap backwards, meaning to put as much distance between himself and his brother as possible.

_Do it for Gon!_

Illumi's face was suddenly leering into his own as he was caught mid-air.

"Oh, Kil," he sighed, pity in his voice, soft enough for just his brother to hear.

Killua had only a moment to realize what he had done, what had happened, before a sharp ear-splitting ringing burst out from inside his head. His back crashed into a wall and instinctively leaned against it, crouching down with his hands against his ears, trying to block out the noise, but it was already thrumming inside his skull, tapping harshly against his brain, vibrating down his bones.

Pain he could handle, but this felt i_nvasive. _It was his as if someone had reached inside him and wrenched his guts apart. Before he could stop himself, he was vocalizing his pain.

Leorio and Kurapika couldn't comprehend what they were seeing. Illumi had barely touched Killua but there he was, cornered, clutching his own head in a death grip, screaming his lungs out as if he was being burnt from the inside, and Illumi standing over him looking down at Killua's vulnerable form, cold and uncaring.

He leaned down to his younger brother and breathed out one word.

"Surrender."

Killua looked up into his brother's eyes. Vortexes, black holes, that threatened to suck him in and he would _lose himself _if he didn't do what he asked. But then -

"I give up."

_What? _Leorio really didn't understand. He moved for the second time towards the brothers, only to be stopped by the guardsman again, although he himself was tempted to let Leorio have a go at the man.

A little bit louder, Killua repeated despondently, "I lose."

Killua stood up as the ringing stopped and allowed Illumi to lead him back to the centre of the room, one hand between his shoulder blades.

"Ah thank goodness! Then the battle's over." Illumi's voice was practically chirping despite his blank expression.

He patted Killua on the back. "Ha ha ha! I was only kidding. I never meant to hurt Gon!"

And then his voice was serious, and he sounded grave. "But this has proved something, hasn't it?"

Killua didn't respond. He only looked straight ahead at nothing in particular.

"This was just a little test. Now I have my answer."

He leaned in to speak directly into Killua's ears. "You have no right to be anyone's friend. You couldn't even stand up for one you esteem so highly."

Somehow, everyone heard it nonetheless. The room seemed to echo with the words and they all looked away guiltily.

"Not that you ever needed friends. You should just listen to Dad and me, and do your job as you always have."

Killua just kept looking ahead blankly, seeing nothing, ignoring the blood running down his temples. Only Illumi's words managed to reach him on some level. A tender expression came over Illumi's face, and he got down on one knee so he was down to Killua's height

"Oh Kil, you're hurt." He straightened his spine and backed away. Killua's eyes mechanically followed his face, hollow and unresponsive as they were. They were worse than Illumi's.

"You know I was only trying to show you the truth, Kil. This would've been so much more painful if you had to figure this out on your own. Just come home and this will all make sense."

Even Neterou was grinding his teeth at what he was hearing.

"Your aniki loves you."

Illumi opened his arms wide. Almost robotically, Killua moved in and wrapped his arms around Illumi. Leorio's eyes widened with disbelief and Kurapika beside him was the one shaking now, hands fisted up at his sides, barely able to contain himself.

Illumi returned the hug and ran one hand through Killua's hair, letting its softness run between his fingers, smelling fresh blood, cold sweat, and the delicious, healthy _fear_ he knew his brother needed. He ignored the looks of disgust on his audience's faces, although he noticed he had even vexed Hisoka. But that didn't matter right now. He could deal with them all later. He wasn't going to lose his little brother to the world today.

Over his shoulder, Killua finally closed his eyes. He had already lost himself.

_Kurapika and Leorio will wrench Illumi away from Killua's limp body, but by then it will not have mattered. Killua would have already been reduced to a shell of himself and won't respond to either of them. The only time Killua will move after that will be to approach Bodoro and tear his organs out and coat his fingers with deep red blood. Killua will be disqualified from the exam and Gon, Kurapika and Leorio will follow him to his home on Mount Kukuroo and lead him away from his family. Killua won't know this, but everyone in that room had made an agreement to never allow Illumi close to his brother again. _


End file.
